In this article
Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner discuss leaders asking for honest feedback. The process below is a practical conversation design, not a claim about how often employees withhold criticism.
Ask for feedback about a bounded event
Choose a meeting, decision, handoff or communication that both of you experienced. The smaller the context, the easier it is to recall evidence.
Try: “In yesterday’s planning meeting, where did my explanation become difficult to follow?” Or: “What information would have made that decision easier to implement?”
Avoid asking for a broad verdict on your personality. The other person may feel pressure to reassure you or may not know where to begin.
Choose someone who can observe the behaviour you want to understand. A distant colleague can comment on your written updates, but may have little basis to assess how you coach your team.
Do not insist on immediate feedback when the person needs time. Offer a later response or a written option.
Explain why the answer is useful
Tell the person what you intend to improve. “I am trying to make our reviews easier to act on, and I want to understand where I leave ambiguity.”
That gives the request a purpose beyond seeking approval. It also helps the colleague decide which example to share.
Make clear that disagreement is welcome, but do not rely on the invitation alone. Your response to the first uncomfortable answer will matter more than a carefully worded introduction.
If you hold authority over the person, acknowledge the difficulty without demanding courage. “I know it may be awkward to comment on your manager’s approach. You can take time, or use the agreed feedback channel.”
Do not promise anonymity in a conversation that is plainly identifiable.
Ask for an example before interpreting
If someone says you rush meetings, ask where that showed up. “Which part of the last review felt rushed?” is a clarification, provided your tone is not defensive.
Listen for the behaviour, effect and context. The issue might be a crowded agenda, a late start or moving to a decision before an important question was heard.
Do not interrogate the example until it collapses. You are trying to understand the person’s experience, not test whether they can defend a prosecution.
A useful reflection is: “You had a concern about the delivery assumption, but I moved to the next item before you could explain it. Have I understood?”
You can check factual disagreements later without dismissing the experience.
A hypothetical feedback request
Imagine a manager notices that colleagues rarely question his recommendations. He asks an analyst privately: “In the last review, what could I have done to make disagreement easier?”
The analyst says he announced his preferred option before asking for views. She assumed the decision was already made.
He thanks her, asks whether the agenda also contributed and agrees to invite options before stating his view at the next suitable meeting.
After that meeting, he asks whether the change made a difference. The follow-up concerns the behaviour, not whether the analyst now considers him an open-minded leader.
This hypothetical shows a small experiment based on feedback. It does not establish that every quiet team is afraid to disagree.
Decide what to do with the answer
Feedback is information to evaluate, not an automatic instruction. You may need to consider other evidence, role requirements or conflicting needs.
Separate three responses: a change you will make, a point you need to investigate and a suggestion you will not adopt.
Explain the last category respectfully. “I understand why you prefer no written updates. We still need a record for the handover, but we can simplify the format.”
Avoid asking for feedback if you have no intention of considering it. Equally, do not accept every suggestion to prove you are receptive.
Choose one visible action rather than announcing a total leadership transformation.
Close the loop without exposing the giver
Tell the relevant person what you learned and what you will try. If sharing with a wider team, discuss the theme without identifying who raised it unless they have agreed.
A brief update might be: “I heard that our decisions are sometimes unclear at the end of meetings. I will close each item with the decision and owner for the next two reviews.”
Then ask whether the change helped. If it did not, refine the behaviour rather than assuming the feedback was wrong.
Keep the process light enough to repeat. Frequent small requests can be useful, but constant demands for evaluation can become another burden for colleagues.
Make your next request specific
Before asking, write the event, the behaviour you want to understand and one open question. Check that the question permits an answer you may not like.
Use Peak Belt’s leadership skills guide and difficult-conversation guide for related practice, or explore TrueNorth.
Avoid feedback fatigue
Do not ask the same colleague to evaluate every conversation or reassure you after every meeting. Choose relevant moments, keep requests specific and respect a refusal or delay. Consider whether you have acted on the last answer before asking for another. Feedback is a contribution of someone else's attention, and should be treated with that care.
Ask one person about one recent event. Your most important contribution is what you do after the answer arrives.
AI-assisted researched guidance from PeakBelt. Hypothetical examples are labelled in the text. See our editorial approach.